Being my own BOSS

by She Flies With Her Own Wings

It’s a new year and a new start.  In the past year, I went from being a busy, over-acheiving college student to having more free time than I knew what to do with.  Free time has been a foreign concept to me for at least the past 8+ years, so I wasn’t exactly sure what to do with it.

After graduation I moved back home to take a year off and save up money before applying to graduate school.  The summer months were fun and carefree, filled with work and spending those free hours with friends who were on summer vacation … but then school started, and those friends went back to class.   The first few weeks were some of the more depressing and lonely weeks of my life.  My parents worked typical 8-5 jobs, my siblings and friends had class, and I didn’t have anything until 3:30 pm … I was coaching a high school volleyball team, and also working evenings at a local brew pub.  The first 5 hrs of my day were spent in silence, other than the “hello” and “have a good day” to the front-desk person at the gym, or little small talk with my animals (two dogs and a cat to be exact),  I didn’t have anyone to talk to or anything to do.

I was always someone who had things to do and places to be.  People relied on me and I was a contributing factor to all sorts of groups throughout my day.  Now I had no real schedule; some days I worked, some days I didn’t.  There really wasn’t anyone or anything that expected me to get out of bed in the morning and go do something.  It was a very very hard transition – there were crying conversations on the phone with my little discussing how I was feeling and what I could do, my thoughtful boyfriend even decided to make a quick phone call in between classes to help break my silence.

I had applied for a substitute teaching license at the beginning of the school year, never imagining how long it would take for everything to process (I’m still waiting), but even that didn’t offer any routine or schedule.

One day I realized that I didn’t need someone or something to force me to get out of bed.  I didn’t need someone else to rely and count on me in order to be productive and do something with my day.  All of that, was really up to me.  I can still set an alarm to wake up at a reasonable time.  I can create my own schedule and routine for the day.  can motivate myself to contribute to society.  can make my days productive.  It wasn’t the easiest thing, I was literally adding the little things like eatshower, and get ready to my calendar.  But it also gave me the opportunity to add and make time for things that I had always wanted to do or just didn’t have enough time for; photography, reading, spending actual quality time in the gym, learning how to cook and bake, write more, the list goes on.

Having some free time to fill with things I just simply want to do or try, isn’t a bad thing.  I have the rest of my life to be crazy busy again … and I’m sure with graduate school, having a full-time job, and eventually becoming a wife and mother, I’ll have more than my hands full.  So this year isn’t about feeling worthless and like I’m not accomplishing anything; it’s about catching up on sleep and doing things that I love, taking time to really smell the roses … for this free time is limited and will be gone before I know it.

I’m not my own boss in the sense that I write myself a paycheck every few weeks; I’m my own boss in the sense that for the next year or so, I’m in charge of what I make of my days and what I do within this next year to make myself a better person in the future.

So here’s my little “New Years Resolution”

1. Make the most of my days

2. Don’t feel guilty about this ‘me time’

3. Blog more 🙂 

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