My story isn’t over

by She Flies With Her Own Wings

Turning a quarter of a century years old. Moving to Portland. Getting the internship of my dreams. Being 1st Runner-Up at Miss Oregon USA. Leading a group of students to Macedonia. Traveling through Paris, Belgrade, and Amsterdam. Watching my little sister graduate from high school. Meeting new people and making new friends. Starting graduate school to become a teacher. 366 sunrises and sunsets.

These are all things that wouldn’t have happened, things that I wouldn’t have been able to experience, had this day last year ended differently. Although today isn’t my birthday, it is a day that I will celebrate life.

It’s a weird feeling – sitting in class, happy with where I am, excited about my future… and thinking back to how I felt only one year ago…when my story could have been over. I was ready to call it quits and throw in the towel. Now this isn’t to say that this past year has been easy and only filled with sunshine and rainbows. There were times where I’d lay on my bedroom floor, crying, feeling like I couldn’t breath. Times where I hated that those feelings were creeping back. Times where I had to talk myself into getting out of my car and going into work. Although my medication and seeing a therapist are helpful most of the time, the biggest difference over this past year has been being open about everything…

Having high functioning Clinical Depression means that others aren’t going to notice when I start to slip. Since getting help, it’s been easier to continue asking for help and letting people know when I’m not doing well. Being transparent about depression and anxiety has held me accountable. It’s allowed me to pick up the phone and call my mom or best friend and tell them I’m struggling, without feeling ashamed.

Tonight, I will go to sleep with joy in my heart and wonderful memories in my mind, rather than tears in my eyes and goodbye on my mind.

Here’s to living life to the fullest. Finding gratitude. And staying positive.

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To you, the one who’s struggling. The one who feels ashamed and embarrassed about the demons in your head: You’re not alone. You are needed. You are worthy. You are enough. It is ridiculous how enough you are.

The girl behind the mask – my first blog about anxiety and depression.

“Your scars build strength, and your past builds bridges” – BC Serna

Courage is when you’ve lost your way but you find your strength anyway
Courage is when you’re afraid
Courage is when it all seems grey
Courage is when you make a change and you keep on living anyway

Life requires guts. It requires bravery and courage… It requires vulnerability.

My story isn’t over, neither is yours;

#BeVocalSpeakUp | #BreakTheStigma

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